Green Apples

[Written on June 17] We're having some choppy weather. I could feel the rocking of the boat all night, a very interrsting feeling of wondering if one will roll out of bed. When we went down for breakfast, it was amusing to watch people trying to walk a straight line. I suppose the terms "sea legs" is a real thing.

After ordering my meal, I noticed I was feeling a bit queasy. Our waitress saw this and ordered me some green apples, which actually helped. Thanks again, Sheila.

The whole apple thing got me thinking about the conversation I had with my father-in-law yesterday. We were talking about the Garden of Eden and the eating from the forbidden tree.

I used to hold the view that the eating of the apple symbolized disobedience, the moral of the story being if you disobey God, you die. The faith journey of my 30's and 40's has been questioning narratives I have been taught growing up. Having a traumatic experience with clergy caused me to lose trust with the office of pastor, especially evangelical ones. I see the doctrine they teach as one of fear and control. The threat of hell is a good tool to keep people from questioning what churches teach.

I've done my own thinking and came to a different conclusion about the fruit. According to the story, it comes from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. I see this as representing our tendency to want to ascribe a moral dimension to everything. The Edenic state is one of totally acceptance without judgment. There's a whole thought process behind this idea that I may write about later, but for now let's say that death comes when we start judging things.

Any time we speak judgment over something or someone, we speak death to that thing or person. We choose to separate from it and leave it to its own devices.

It happens all the time. I'm doing it right now with my previous statement about the fear and control of churches. In labeling them as controlling, I am choosing to separate myself from them. In essence, I am bringing death to my relationship with them.

Death isn't necessarily a bad thing. Life and death go hand in hand. Life ends in death, which makes room for more life. I needed to step away from my relationship with church. It was an unhealthy, co-dependent one. Maybe the life that springs from this death will produce healthier fruit. Green apples for life's choppy water.