Sabbatical 2024

Does the sacred exist? Are there things worth fighting for? The answer seems to be yes, but what are those things? How do we decide what to hold on to and what to let go? The Olympic protests are an example of people defending what they feel is sacred. As did the people of January 6. And the George Floyd protesters. And Occupy Wall Street. And the civil rights movement. And becoming a nation. The list goes on. Sacred is defined as connected to God. And the term God is tricky to define as it can conjure up images of Zeus and George Washington (inside joke). For now, let's say God is the embodiment of goodness itself. So when goodness being threatened, what should one do? First, I think we need to know if goodness is subjective or objective. For those who subscribe to the idea of transcendent morality, they would say goodness is objective, regardless of personal opinion. For those who say it's subjective, morality is something defined by the collective and can be shaped as they s...

Because the opening ceremonies are still pretty hot on my YouTube feed, I'm still thinking about it. I was talking with my sister and we came up with a phrase: You do you and I'll do me. Leave it alone and let it be. When there's conflict and tension, we can choose to ignore it or we can choose to engage with it. As I think about it, two pictures come to mind. The first is a container of water with dirt in it and the second is a snow globe. With the dirty water, the more you move it around and agitate it, the more it stays dirty. Only by leaving it alone will the sediment fall to the bottom, leaving clear water. If we see conflict as a bad thing, it's best to leave it alone to get back to clear. The snow globe, on the other hand, is meant to be shaken. The globe becomes more interesting and beautiful to look at when its shaken. With this analog, conflict creates opportunity for learning and understanding, which can bring out the best in humanity. So, what's the appr...

So I've been watching the reactions of my friends on Facebook regarding the Olympic opening ceremonies. I've seen essentially two types of reactions: I'm offended. You need to chill out. I don't want to comment on which side is correct (I think they both are in their own way). I'm more looking at it from a human psychology and existential perspective. The more I think about, the more the idea of existence as a drama makes sense to me. A continuous cycle of setup, confrontation and resolution. And the most captivating dramas evoke the strongest emotions. I've mentioned before that there's this book called The Law of One. Woo-woo disclaimer: It's written by three people who believe they channeled an alien race named Ra. The book states that this world is in a state of being polarized towards two different outcomes: service to self and service to others. People are figuring out if they want to pursue group goals and help the collective or personal goals and...

I was chatting with my sister-in-law about some health topics. She's a nurse practitioner and I always appreciate her insights. We were chatting about weight and its correlation to health. Traditionally, science has used BMI as an indicator, giving specific "normal" ranges based on age and gender. Almost every trainer and dietician I've spoken with says BMI is a horrible metric because it doesn't account for body composition, fitness levels, genetics, lifestyle, etc. Short answer: just having a BMI in the normal range doesn't make you healthy. That being said, my doctor recommended I lose some weight, specifically body fat as muscle loss is never seen as a good thing. When I was talking with my sister-in-law, things like body image, fat phobia, misogyny and health industry grift came up. Basically, there's an idea that our culture emphasizes a certain body type as attractive, gets people to become dissatisfied with their current body shape, then prescribes...

I have a hard time with fundamentalists. They are dogmatic and unwavering in their opinions, which they are more than happy to interject, whether you want to hear it or not. They are argumentative and judgmental. Just not nice people. And all these criticisms I'm stating make me sound just like them. Condemning the condemners fills the world with condemnation. I would prefer a world with less condemnation, so let's look at fundamentalism and try to find the positive. There was a German philosopher named Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel (1770 - 1830). Hegel is credited with the dialectic method of thinking. You start with a thesis, then form its antithesis, then examine both to form a conclusion (synthesis). This approach in thinking serves as the basis for Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). It involves holding two disparate ideas in your mind simultaneously to learn how to cope with cognitive dissonance. A thesis and antithesis are mirror opposites of each other. They have as muc...

Yesterday I talked about "should." I want to continue the topic and pull in the afterlife. Part of what makes our society challenging is we seem to hold values in differing levels of importance. Some place freedom of speech at the pinnacle while others hold to, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." Some value meritocracy while others value equity. Who's right? Why do we have these differences? So, as Americans who grew up under orthodox Christianity, we're familiar with the idea of heaven and hell. Depending on how you lived your life or what dogma you believed, you get sorted into one of two places. But that's not the only narrative available. Other sources paint a different picture. Books like Echoes of the Soul by Echo Bodine, Journey of Souls by Michael Newton, and Secrets of Heaven  by Emanuel Swedenborg talk about not two places, but various communities. They state that after we die, we get placed into communities ...

Are there "shoulds?" I've heard the phrase, "Don't let someone 'should' on your day." I've also heard the idea that moral relativism leads to chaos. So, which is correct? First, let's define the word "should." It turns out there are quite a number of meanings. Indicates obligation or duty. Indicates probability. Expresses a conditional mood. Expresses a polite request. Expresses a conjecture or hope. Expresses purpose. I want to use two sentences for analysis. A civil society should have shared values. We should have a civil society. The first sentence expresses utility. The second expresses a value judgment. A society is a group of people living in more or less order. Civility means politeness and courtesy in behavior and speech. In order to have a courteous, ordered society, there needs to be a collection of values that all individuals agree upon. Logically, this line of reasoning makes sense. Different values lead to conflict bet...

People likes big things. Especially in America. Everything has to be on fire and dialed to 11. Our self-help books talk about dreaming big and accomplishing great things. When I was in church, pastors always talked about winning souls to Jesus. "Don't be a thermometer - be a thermostat" was one of their favorite sayings. In all this bigness, I wonder how many stop to ask why. Why do I need to do great things? Creativity? Ego? Self-image? Reinforcing my importance in the world? Maybe there's a missing piece inside of us and we think doing things will fill it up. When I left the church, a huge part of my life's purpose disappeared. I thought I needed to save people from hell and get them into our organization. When I stopped believing in the hell I was raised with and saw proselytizing as a marketing campaign to grow the business, I was left with a hole. What's more important than saving a person from eternal suffering? Not much compares to that level of importa...

I was thinking yesterday about trust. I have a friend who is a book nut bordering on addict. He is constantly checking the Amazon Kindle deals. When he finds something interesting, he'll typically buy the book, save one filter. If the author is a pastor, he won't buy it. I asked him why once; he said he didn't want to be preached at. What makes us trust the advice of some and disregard the advice of others? I don't really know. For me, after having gone through my spiritual awakening, I also have a hard time trusting pastors and sermons. Because of my church hurt, I see anyone tied to the institution through a lens of pain and trauma. The pain shouts louder than the message they are trying to bring. This is an unfair bias and probably prevents me from learning something interesting, but it's where I'm currently at. Having an open mind is tough, especially when you don't respect the source of knowledge. Conservatives trust Fox News and distrust CNN. Liberals ...

I watched a video yesterday from Jonathan Pageau, an iconographer, regarding story of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil in the Bible. He asked the question: did God want mankind to know the difference between good and evil? According to Genesis, God did not want this because he commanded Adam and Eve to stay away from the tree. But then there's a later account of King Solomon where he asked God for wisdom to discern good from evil and God grants his request. See 1 Kings 3 if you want to read that story. Christians will say there's no contradictions in the Bible. They will also say God is unchanging. Yet, here is a clear case of God saying two opposite things. So, which is true? The answer is nuance. Evangelical Christianity takes a wooden, literal view of the Bible. Rather than look for symbolism and allegory, they read at the surface level. That's how we get things like the Earth being created in six days. Unquestioning devotion to a shallow understanding of thin...

I was watching an interview with NT Wright yesterday. He was the bishop of Durham in the early 2000s and a Bible scholar/theologian/historian. He was answering a few questions about the Genesis account of creation and its apparent conflict with what science has discovered regarding evolution. To summarize, Wright says the problem isn't so much with the Bible but the biblical literalism. Biblical literalism is reading the Bible literally rather than as allegory or symbolic. This came out of the Reformation and the Enlightenment. The Reformation denounced the authority of the pope and, to fill the vacuum, Protestants turned to the Bible. During the Enlightenment, the scientific method and the exacting measurements of the physical world as truth led to reading this type of thinking into the Bible. Because of this, mystical thinking was seen as superstitious and was dropped in the West. There's obvious benefits to literal, exacting truth. It's led to all the technological adva...

We drove the final leg of our way home yesterday. On the way we stopped at Crater Lake in southern Oregon for a hike. If you're unfamiliar, it's the deepest lake in the United States, made from a dormant volcano. In order to get there, you have to drive up the rim, which includes going on some pretty narrow switchbacks with no barriers and steep dropoffs. I am not a fan of heights and got a little queasy with sweaty palms. I actually ended up pulling over and let Melissa drive. Acrophobia doesn't have a specific cause. It could be from a traumatic event, poor balance, or inherited from a guardian. I wouldn't say I'm completely immobilized. I can ride roller coasters and go to the top of tall buildings. I just get a little anxious. Even video games can trigger it. The treatment is cognitive behavior therapy and exposure therapy. In other words, facing your fears. Fear is defined as "an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerou...

I watched former president Trump give his acceptance speak last night. I'm not sure how much I missed, but it sounded like his primary focus was on immigration. I'll admit, the thing that captured my attention most was the physical layout of the stage. I kept thinking, "Wow. That's a lot of screens." Trump is an interesting phenomenon to me in that he's such a polarizing figure. The people that like him REALLY like him and the people that hate him really, REALLY hate him. I tend to shy away from politics as I'm more fascinated with existential topics than public policy. I like trying to understand why someone thinks the way they do. Get to their core values. During my family reunion, I had the opportunity to speak with some family members about the current political climate, both right and left wing. It is interesting to me how people can believe with such conviction that the view they hold is the correct, moral one. I'll confess I'm a little envio...

I was talking with Melissa on the way home from our last reunion dinner (shout out to Wolf Lodge Steakhouse in Coeur d'Alene). We were talking about how changing oneself in families is hard. Family relationships are interesting because they exist across your entire life. Current acquaintances and friends may only know the you of your 20's, 30's, 40's, etc., but family knows you from birth. I wonder sometimes if objectivity is possible. Even if the objective world exists, it is always seen through the lens of subjective experience. Our family hears a statement we make and will evaluate it against the backdrop of all they know of us, including our childhood. This can make growth challenging. If you notice things about yourself, scripts that you are currently following (perhaps written by your family), and want to change those, family might have a difficult time learning the new script. Identity is a difficult thing to pin down because your identity stands in relationship ...

I had a work dream last night. In it, I was walking through a field where there were chairs set up. Senior management ushered in a bunch of engineers and began to berate them on their work. They talked about poor design and bad coding practices. In essence, they blamed all the company's problems on them. I raised my hand and asked when management was going to take responsibility for their own poor planning. This set off a huge argument at which point I left to get a cup of coffee that turned into a leaky bag of coffee and spilled all over my pants. Aside from the spilled coffee, which I have no idea what that signifies, I think my psyche was working out belonging and criticism. My sister-in-law sent a Brene Brown video (thanks Megan) about belonging and worth. In it, Brene says we shouldn't negotiate our worth and belonging. Those are intrinsic values that we generate inside us. This value comes from knowing who we are. And this is where the criticism comes in. When working wi...

Riffing off the karma idea, I want to explore a related idea: forgiveness. There's a story Jesus tells of a man who accumulated a large debt, more than he could pay back in his lifetime. He appears before a king and throws himself on the mercy of the court. The king looks at his situation and forgives the entire debt. The man walks away grateful. Several months go by. The king hears that this man had a similar situation with another person over the matter of $100, only he was the one who was owed money. Rather than forgive the debt, the man throws the person in debtors prison until he pays back the amount. The king brings the man back into court and says because of his action he will be placed in debtors prison as well until his original debt is paid in full. When I hear this story, I think about karma and the cycle of cause and effect. First, karma is not a punishment. It's a teaching tool for learning the consequences of choices. In Jesus' story we don't know how the ...

So, I finally was able to get caught up in the news regarding the attempt to take former President Trump's life that resulted in a bystander being killed and others injured. It makes my heart heavy. This is now a shared trauma the world has experienced together. I was reading the comments to the few news stories I watched, wanting to see the reaction. Many were unified in saying this type of violence has no place. Other equated this violence with January 6. Some blamed the media for amping up the animosity towards Trump. One thing my faith deconstruction had done is led me to question the nature of good and evil. Is the Christian metaphor correct in that this world is a battle between good and evil? It's hard to not call the attempt to shoot someone as evil. Everything in us as social primates screams out. It definitely appears like evil exists. But where is it located? Is it isolated to certain individuals? Is the shooter evil? Many would say yes, if you attempt to take the li...

Today will be another short post as we spent another 10 hours in the car. The positives for the day: The hotel had a hot breakfast. Gas in Idaho is WAY cheaper than in California. Seven Devils Steakhouse and Saloon makes a mean Philly cheesesteak. There is an actual person named Dick Tips. Tomorrow I should have some more time to write. Until then, good night.

Today is going to be a quick post. We've been in the car for over 13 hours today traveling to Idaho. Exciting highlight: we had a tire blowout about an hour into the trip. Listing the good things: 1) It was early in the morning before it got hot. 2) There was an open tire store with our tire size an hour away. 3) We didn't die while changing the tire. Man, I will tell you. It is scary to be on the side of the road outside your car right near an on-ramp. People do NOT slow down when hazard lights are on. No words of wisdom today. These lids are getting heavy.

One of the things my faith deconstruction has brought me is a willingness to explore any idea, no matter how far-fetched. I think the way to understanding God is through imagination. If he/she/they exist, the language spoken must be one of thoughts. We don't see God and can't carry on a vocal conversation, but we do have thoughts and can interact with those. If one is to communicate with God, to me, that appears to be the way how. Ok, so that being said, I watched a video on spiritual balancing from The Law of One material. The Law of One is a set of conversations written back in the 70s. It's what's called a channeled message, meaning the conversation is supposedly with a being from a different dimension. Very woo-woo but, like I said, I'm willing to look at any idea. To me, it's no crazier than believing the authors of the Bible heard from God. I try to first understand what the idea is and then apply critical thinking on top of it. The Law of One states that...

There's a well-studied phenomenon called the Dunning-Kruger Effect , which observes that with a little knowledge about a subject comes an over-exaggerated sense of expertise. More knowledge will eventually balance out confidence to an appropriate level. Or, as Neil Degrasse Tyson states: " One of life's challenges — knowing enough to think you are right, but not enough to know that you are wrong." As I've been writing this blog, I have that in the back of my mind. Some things I shared with an amount of passion and confidence that could border on false understanding. For example, a few days ago I said that God commanding Abraham to sacrifice Isaac was not beautiful. I did a little more investigating and found that child sacrifice was practiced by Near-East religions at the time of Abraham. So, while this idea is shocking to us with our 21st century ethics, it would not have been so to Abraham. There's a thought among religious studies experts that this event si...

I read a story from one of my Pasterd's Pub acquaintances about his kid's experience at church camp. A group of them bonded over a bug they named Jeff that met with an untimely death. Brandon (the author) spoke about the experience as being valuable for building community and empathy. He mentioned how important it is to get away from YouTube, TikTok and Instagram and get back into nature and meaningful conversations. I replied to his post saying that I think churches are to blame for this lack. We live in a world of overconsumption. Everything needs to happen now and dialed to 11. Our entertainment, our food, even our politics. There is no shared sacred space for quiet contemplation. It ought to be churches, but it's not. Churches are essentially small businesses selling a different product, but I digress. It seems to me that what America needs is a lesson in how to mellow out. Get away from the hustle and bustle of work and the doom scrolling of online content and just ex...

I finished the Three Body Problem book series yesterday. It was written Chinese author Cixin Liu. I picked the series up after watching the TV adaptation on Netflix. Without spoiling the plot, it basically tells the story of what would happen if humanity discovered there are other civilizations in the universe. Great sci-fi read. I found it interesting to see how Chinese culture views existential questions. The concept of God is discussed, but more as a man-made thought, devoid of any real explanatory power. It got me thinking about how/if one can know God is a real thing. Is there a place one can look? The common idea of God is a being that can intervene in the universe. I don't really like this definition as it leads to a Zeus-like figure. A sky daddy where we have enact the right prayer or do the right ritual for anything to happen. I have not experienced this kind of God, a genie in a bottle that grants wishes. God will not appear magically. God must be searched for. So where d...

I came across a Facebook post that was so good, in lieu of writing my own words, I'm going to share what Karl Paulnack wrote. I hve no idea who Karl is. His bio says he's on the board of directors at a cancer resource center in Ithica, NY. He words say he's an old soul. Thanks, Ash Glenn, for sharing his words. ------ One of the great things about interfaith practice is that sometimes, something is so obviously true because it emerges simultaneously in practices that are completely different. It’s easy to see truths when they emerge this way—they emerge as not merely belief, or ideology, or point of view, but a  genuine mechanical aspect of how reality actually works, something like “gravity”, where, believe in it or not, but you’re going to break some limbs, either way, when you walk out the third-floor window. I want to write about a place where Alcoholics Anonymous, Buddhism and the teachings of the anti-religious Jew Jesus (not the American Christian Church that appropr...

There's a guy that's making the rounds on my YouTube feed named Billy Carson. I was listening to one of his podcasts while doing the dishes last night. In it, he makes the claim that the god referenced in the Old Testament of the Bible isn't the one Creator God. He talks about how the violent nature of his commands should be an indication that something is amiss. He ends up referencing other ancient texts and draws comparisons between Yahweh and other deities. Billy is seen as a dangerous speaker, as discussed in this video  by a popular Christian apologist who refutes his claims. He says Billy appears so convincing because he holds his beliefs so confidently. The apologist advises any time someone makes a claim, it's best to investigate the matter yourself as charismatic speaking can circumvent critical thinking.  Melissa heard the video and agreed with the apologist. She said it bothered her that he spoke with such authority. She wanted to know how he came to be so c...

YouTube recommended a  video  of an interview with Brian McLaren, a Christian pastor and author. He's a naughty boy in the evangelical scene, a heretic for his social and theological views. I enjoy hearing his alternative ideas. In this video, he was talking about taking action to make the world a better place. He said there are two opposite forms of apathy. One is nihilism, where one says "what's the point" and does nothing. The other is wishful thinking, where one believes everything works out in the end and does nothing. He said that we need to remember we are the protagonist in our life and should take action. The Christian world view is one of salvation. The world needs to be saved and we are the ones called to do it. This idea has led to good and bad events. It spurred the creation of hospitals, but also gave us the Inquisition. McLaren put forth the challenge that we need more respect for nature and neighbor. He thinks we need to hold the fossil fuel industry m...

We celebrated Independence Day with swimming and a barbecue. Very fun. Very hot weather. In the evening, Melissa, my sister and I spent a couple of hours on YouTube listening to a playlist of 90s and 2000s rock hits, reminiscing about our high school and college years. When people were getting ready to leave we ended the night with U2's Beautiful Day. My dad happened to be in the room, which prompted me to say, "I think even Dad would like this one." Pops isn't known for his love of hard rock. Some things come to mind as I think about this. First, I grew up with a pretty anti-rock music household. The church denomination I attended was in what was called the "holiness movement", which meant distancing one's lifestyle away from anything not tied to the church. No dancing, no gambling, no drinking, no playing cards, no movies, and definitely no rock and roll. They get this idea from a verse that talks about being "in the world, but not of the world....

I watched a  video  discussing why some people are raised religious and lose their faith as adults, while others are raised secular and find faith later on. The video made some interesting contrasts. The videos states that the path to apostasy is lonely and somber. The path to faith is communal and hopeful. The path to apostasy is based from intellect, while the path to faith comes from emotions. I can see what they're saying. While I don't think people of faith are less intelligent that those without (there are very intelligent religious scholars), most religious systems are based on doctrines and dogmas that are beyond question. If someone is curious and wants to ask forbidden questions and draw different conclusions, the only way they can do that is outside the religious organization. Where I think intelligent people have a hard time is when they need to put down the calculator of facts and intellect and pick up the brush of intuition and imagination. Science is a cold, ste...

I want to continue on this idea of divergent bipolar thinking. A few years ago, when I was in the hospital in a manic state, I remember my mind being obsessed with contrasts. One and zero. Dark and light. Good and evil. The following day, after the mania had run its course, I participated in a group therapy session. They had us draw a picture of what we were thinking and feeling. I drew a line down the middle of the paper. On one side I drew a landscape with trees, a river, a bridge and green hills. On the other side I drew angular buildings and microchips, with straight lines. It got me thinking about dualism. In my electrical engineering classes, I took two types of circuit classes: analog circuits and digital circuits. Analog circuits operate on continous, rolling voltage levels, whereas digital circuit use discrete voltages, on or off. So, which correctly represents the universe? Is it digital or analog? The answer is both, depending on the level you're looking at. If you were ...

A few weeks ago the actor Terrence Howard was on Joe Rogan's podcast discussing a new model of physics. I didn't follow a lot of it. The phrase 1x1=2 gave me some pause, though he said it was a metaphorical statement. In the days to follow, he got completely decimated by the scientific community. All kinds of names were thrown around. Crazy. Crackpot. Unhinged. Ignorant. Yesterday, he was on the podcast again, this time with Eric Weistein, a mathematician. They spent four hours going over his ideas. Eric pointed out areas that were incorrect, but also areas where he was creative and clever. Eric took the time to sit down and engage. I wonder if Terrence has bipolar disorder. That's not a slur. It just means an active, creative mind that makes connections most people don't see, something I very much can relate to. The world needs creative folks to spark innovation and progress. People like us just need some help from methodical thinkers who can separate out the baby from...

I was watching a video this morning from Billy Carson on the future impact of AI. Many people are saying AI will decimate jobs, and if people can't earn money, how will they live? Some potential solutions include an automation tax or universal basic income. I think a larger issue than a loss of income is a loss of purpose. There's something Billy said in the video that struck me. Companies don't pay you, clients do. And if you are passionate about meeting client needs, you won't need to worry about money. I think passion is a big crisis in our culture, even before the advent of AI. I work with a bunch of engineers that are cynical and miserable about their jobs. Here they've spent their college years getting trained for a few decades of work and now they're burnt out. Overworked. Swamped in beauracracy. Jaded towards the future. I get there from time to time, too. I get frustrated by silly paperwork that appears to waste time. I don't like the constant pres...