Trust and Mistrust

I was thinking yesterday about trust. I have a friend who is a book nut bordering on addict. He is constantly checking the Amazon Kindle deals. When he finds something interesting, he'll typically buy the book, save one filter. If the author is a pastor, he won't buy it. I asked him why once; he said he didn't want to be preached at.

What makes us trust the advice of some and disregard the advice of others? I don't really know. For me, after having gone through my spiritual awakening, I also have a hard time trusting pastors and sermons. Because of my church hurt, I see anyone tied to the institution through a lens of pain and trauma. The pain shouts louder than the message they are trying to bring. This is an unfair bias and probably prevents me from learning something interesting, but it's where I'm currently at.

Having an open mind is tough, especially when you don't respect the source of knowledge. Conservatives trust Fox News and distrust CNN. Liberals do the opposite. For me, I've been trying to tell myself human consciousness is found in everyone. The more sources I'm willing to listen to, the more data I have to work with to form an opinion.

I also try to withhold judgment when listening to people. I assume the best intention and look for points to affirm. It's funny, I just looked at the previous sentence and asked myself, "do I really look for the best in everyone? Even pastors?" If I'm honest, no, I do not give them the benefit of the doubt. Why? I think it's because of the power dynamic. Pastors hold an unquestionable power position over their congregants. And because I've experienced a misuse of that power, I discount that role in society as inappropriate for discovering truth. If you're paid to preach dogma, your livelihood is tied to a certain perspective and you are disincentivized to look at other perspectives. In essence, pastors hold back the possibility of spiritual growth and keep their communities trapped in the status quo.

Is this true of all pastors? Probably not. But it does seem true of most pastors, or at least the ones I've encountered. I hope things will change at some point, but I'm at a loss as to how. I've thought about attending church in hopes of reform, but until someone wants to change, they won't. It seems most appropriate to work on myself and the healing process of letting go of the anger. Anger-based reformation doesn't seem like it would work. Love-based reform has a better shot. It all seems to come back to love.

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